My New Girlfriend

As a follow-up to my last post, here's a parishioner's response to Pastor Worley's Big Gay Bug Zapper idea. 

P.S.: This woman has replaced Rick Santorum as my absolute favorite person. Ever.


 

North Carolina: First in Spite

Where does free speech end and discrimination begin? This is (and will continue to be) one of the stickiest philosophical debates in 21st-century America. The first Amendment is black and white on this one: we all have the right to speak freely, but it's not quite that simple in practice (say, when you publicly suggest killing off "the gays" with an electric fence)...

I'm sexy and I know it.

Seriously. Watch this video. It's really short, and irresistibly ridiculous: if we put all the boy gays behind one electric fence, and all the girl gays behind another, they will "die off" before producing any more gaybies. Also, don't kill babies. Kill gays. Because gays were never babies.

Alas. This is what happens to logic when you don't study evolution. 

Snobama!

"[Obama] wants everyone in America to go to college; what a snob!" says Rick Santorum, B.A, M.B.A, J.D...

Santorum can count off his advanced
degrees on only one hand!

That's right. Santorum (who has more advanced degrees than President Obama) made this statement to a room full of right wing activists, some of whom were wearing their Michigan University jerseys as they cheered him on.

"Not everyone is gifted in the same way," he continues, in one of the most condescending speeches I have ever heard in a political campaign. "Good, decent men and women go out and work hard every day, putting skills to the test that aren't taught by some liberal college professor who is trying to indoctrinate them."

First of all, Ricky...

Obama doesn't want "everyone in America to go to college." He wants everyone in America to be able to go to college, and that is a markedly different statement - one that you made yourself, in fact, in 2006. Here's a direct quote from Santorum's re-election campaign in Pennsylvania:

"Rick is...committed to ensuring that every Pennsylvanian has access to higher education. [He] has supported legislative solutions that provide loans, grants, and tax incentives to make higher education more accessible and affordable."

FAIL.

Second...

When did different kinds of knowledge become mutually exclusive? Do people with college degrees automatically forget how to use their hands? If you learn about atomic structure, do you instantly forget how to plant a garden?

Finally, if higher education equals liberal indoctrination, how the hell do you explain your own existence, Rick? If that were really the case, you wouldn't be you; and yet three (3) advanced degrees later, you're still spouting misinformed, poisonous rightist poppycock.

If ever there were an argument against higher education, Rick, it's you. You should have just pointed to yourself up on the podium, and asked: "Is this what you want for your children?"

Photo: Gage Skidmore

Sperm? Never Heard Of It...

Women who use birth control are now officially called "sluts" (but don't worry: men who use penis pumps are still just called "Rush Limbaugh").

I can sort of see his point (if I close my left eye completely and squint really hard with the right one): people don't "need" birth control, for example, in order to stay alive. It's understandable, on these grounds, that someone might question the idea of medical coverage.

Of course Rush approaches that point at high speed, and then barrels right through it into absolute douche-dom. As usual.

Basically...

As far as Rush Limbaugh is concerned, the less money you have, the less sex you are entitled to (but only if you're a woman). Once you talk it out, that's what this all boils down to. 

Beatles Retract, Say Money CAN Buy You Love

Mitt Romney has officially purchased the win in Florida; he outspent his competitors 5 to 1, justifying hopes that the man with the biggest wallet always comes out on top.

How could we have been so blind, lads?

Who's surprised? No, really - let's see a show of hands.

Clearly, the race for the GOP nomination has nothing to do with solid, electable candidates. Not only did Romney blast the shit out of Gingrich with his giant cash-bomb, he then used said cash bomb to blast the shit out of him in the media. 

92% of all Republican campaign ads aired in Florida this week have been negative. If you think that's bad, 99.9% (that's the real figure, I'm not being dramatic) of Mitt Romney's campaign ads have been smear ads.